Ryan admitted that every time he looked at Lily, all he could see was that terrifying moment when everything felt out of control. He spoke about fear, about being unable to protect either of us, about worrying that loving her too deeply would somehow make the loss unbearable if something went wrong again.
A counselor reassured him that what he was experiencing was a common trauma response. That fear after witnessing something so intense often shows up as emotional distance.
I crouched outside, tears streaming, realizing that while I had been questioning his love, he had been fighting his own quiet battle to heal.
He wasn’t running away from us.
He was trying to survive what he had witnessed.
Understanding Replaced Fear
I listened as he explained why he hadn’t told me. He didn’t want to burden me. He believed I had already endured enough.
That realization shattered me.
When the meeting ended, I returned home before he did, my mind racing, my heart heavy but clearer than it had been in weeks.
The next morning, while Lily slept, I called the center and asked how I could be involved.
They welcomed me.
